UNSTUCK
If we don’t feel like we belong, we begin to settle for the gratification of validation, a very tenuous and conditional situation that is sure to fail at some point. If we can get neither belonging nor validation, we feel unsafe, go into survival mode, struggle against ourselves and fear anything that puts our validation on the line (creative projects, being seen, taking risks, intimacy). Thus, the inner critic steps in to protect us from such threats because, though self-loathing is painful, it does not register in our nervous systems as a threat to our very survival. Thus, the inner critic is ultimately on our side, trying to keep us safe and is doing so erroneously. The work, then, is to a. alleviate and appreciate the inner critic within ourselves so it can calm down, then, b. converse with the inner critic in such a way that it can see its errors in logic and begin to act as an ally instead of an enemy.
Week 6 Meditation:
Please alternate between the Inner Critic Meditation or The Dad Protocol Meditation and the Heart Breathing Meditation from day to day.
IN THIS LESSON
JOURNAL PROMPT: WEEK 6
Clarifying the Affirm Step: The most challenging step in the D.A.D. protocol is the Affirm step. It’s also a step that truly asks us to take the mindset that our parts want to be treated just as other people do, and that they have a psychology all their own. Internalizing this mindset is the key to being able to fruitfully do this work on your own, and so this step presents an opportunity.
To help bring clarification about this step, consider the following:
What are some of the things your more extreme defenders and inner critics say to you? What are some empathic responses you can offer that affirm what the part is screaming about? When you offer such a response, what do you notice shifting? Is there any feedback from the defender? It might come in the form of sensations changing, different emotions arising or “thoughts” (aka this part saying things).