Ralph De La Rosa
1976-2025

This obituary was lovingly written by Tess Felder who served as Ralph’s teaching assistant from 2018 to 2025.

Ralph De La Rosa, a meditation teacher and therapist whose groundbreaking work and highly authentic style brought healing work to thousands around the world, died on May 10 in Seattle. He was 48.

Ralph, who used he/they pronouns, often marveled at how unlikely their path had been: from being assessed as having near genius-level IQ at age 5, to struggling through high school because of painful bullying, to years of deep-seeded addiction, to then — quite miraculously, they would say — finding meditation and trauma therapy and going on to share those skills and insights to students around the world.

Ralph did not shy away from illuminating the painful experiences from their past or present, instead appreciating them as opportunities for growth and teaching. In their dharma talks and on meditation retreats they led at places like Kripalu, Spirit Rock and Big Heart City, they passed along the profound trauma recovery they had experienced to students from a wide variety of backgrounds and from around the world.

They made a particular effort to serve trans people and those for whom money was an obstacle to taking part in their classes, keenly aware that others had shown Ralph similar generosity during their own years of struggle.

Throughout Ralph’s life, they delved into a myriad of spiritual practices, including joining the Hare Krishnas as a young adult and becoming a follower of Amma, the “hugging saint,” for 16 years. They later spoke of feeling profoundly lost during that time, however, and of struggling in the throes of addiction.

During their attempts to break free from that, Ralph landed at a state-run rehab center in San Francisco and — he would later marvel — found meditation in 1996. That practice, under the tutelage of instructors like Vinny Ferraro, their first meditation teacher, helped Ralph climb out of the pit of despair and start to find true joy and gratitude. 

Not overnight, they would point out, but through a daily dedication to meditation, therapy and healing.

Ralph had a vast curiosity about the world and a deep thirst for learning, both formal and informal. They began studying Buddhism in 2005. They earned a summa cum laude master’s degree in social work from Fordham University in New York, and in later years they went on to complete an invitation-only advanced meditation teacher training with Jack Kornfield.

During the pandemic, Ralph undertook a one-to-one mentorship with Dick Schwartz, the creator of the Internal Family Systems modality that was central to Ralph’s work as a psychotherapist and meditation teacher.

IFS was also at the heart of Ralph’s three published books. Their first, “The Monkey Is the Messenger: Meditation and What Your Busy Mind Is Trying to Tell You” (Shambhala Publications, 2018), explored breath-work and somatic meditation practices integrating IFS. 

Their second book, “Don’t Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs” 2020, Shambhala Publications, 2020) spoke of the importance of developing a meditation practice so that people can skillfully campaign for social justice. It also included heartfelt biographical stories and insights, which they hoped to expand on in an autobiography in the coming years.

Ralph’s third book, “Outshining Trauma: A New Vision of Radical Self-Compassion Integrating Internal Family Systems and Buddhist Meditation” (PenguinRandomHouse, 2024) — for which Dick Schwartz wrote the foreword — explored the intersection of IFS, meditation and Buddhism.

“I’m very honored to have Ralph as an influential and authentic partner in our effort to bring about collective awareness and healing through IFS,” Schwartz wrote. “His journey from suffering to shining is inspiring and instructive, and his integrating of IFS with Buddhism and meditation makes his a uniquely valuable voice.”

Ralph was fully committed not just to theoretical exploration and on-the-cushion meditation, but to bringing it all into a full, active life of play and exploration.

During the pandemic, after a health scare, they took stock of their life and moved to Tahoe, Calif., where they spent much of their time snowboarding and training to become a contestant on “American Ninja Warrior,” the sports entertainment reality show. The snowboarding life then took Ralph to Colorado, where they lived in a truck and campervan for several months before moving to Seattle.

Music was also central to Ralph’s creative life. From an early age, they learned violin and guitar and then played in several punk bands as a teenager in El Centro. In the early aughts in San Francisco, Ralph was the drummer for bands such as Riverbottom Nightmare Band, The Chandeliers and Madelia. Watching them drum was to see a transcendent Muppet, wild and free. But ever the poet and seeker of the spotlight, they long dreamed of being the frontman of a band, a dream they made real in Seattle, singing and playing guitar in The Glow.

Ralph Brewer De La Rosa was born on Oct. 16, 1976, in El Centro, Calif. Survivors include their mother, Arcelia De La Rosa; their sister Tillie Real; nieces; cousins; and other family members. Ralph was predeceased by their father, David Ralph Brewer; their sister Arcelia “Sally” Johnson; and their brother, Luke Brewer.

Ralph would often urge students to follow their heart break — to use the empathy, compassion and insights they had gained from overcoming painful and traumatic experiences to spread goodness and love in the world. This was also Ralph’s mission, which they both embodied in their daily life and wrote about in their books.

“We’re not meant to get broken in life and then simply carry on in a compromised state, as generations before us have done,” Ralph wrote in Outshining Trauma. “Radical self-compassion is attainable. It is our deeper nature. Post-traumatic growth is attainable. We are wired to manifest it.” 

“We are built for these things, built to overcome,” they added. “The heartbreaks and betrayals we’ve suffered can, if we so choose, mark a new beginning, a new story of discovering freedom.”